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Babies in the back on the way home

It's been quite a week. I haven't written about the dogs' return or anything else because I was drained. Dexter neutering disturbed the balance between the two dogs, causing them to have a few big fights that looked very scary, but weren't really serious (they are big woofers). They are settling down now and when the neutering will take full effect in two to four weeks, Dexter should accept Leo as the new top dog. We hope.

The training has paid off and it's much more pleasant to walk the dogs now. I walk them separately in the morning as I want to avoid any incidents until Dexter's neutering will take full effect. We walked past a few dogs, a couple even growled at them, but both dogs behaved perfectly.  I have new a collar setup that gives me better control over them just in case and if some stupid little dog will decide to attack them again I have a can of compressed air that makes the most terrible noise. So there are several safe guards to prevent any more fights and being dragged around. Which is a little bit sad as I think I started enjoyed it a bit. Being dragged around by two big dogs is a bit like water ski without water. Or ski.

After we got used to a dog-free house for five weeks it was a bit of a shock to get them back. Blake was fascinated to re-discover them and loves petting them. I can't believe how many things we've done wrong with our dogs over the years without even thinking about it. Little things that look meaningless to the humans, but the dogs perceive completely differently. I might go into more detail about the dogs' new bootcamp routine later as I'm still emotionally exhausted from the past week. Just thought a little update was in order.

--Mickey

P.S

Happy birthday Leo! It's Leo's 5th birthday today. The day we picked him up he was a tiny bit smaller!

Off We Go!

We're about to leave today in a couple of hours to pick up the dogs. We won't see them today, we're just driving over three hours to Wales and check into a nearby hotel in the afternoon. There's no point popping over for ten minutes and getting the dogs excited for nothing.

Tomorrow and on Saturday we'll be trained as well to know how to handle the dogs now and get homework to carry on training the dogs at home. Then we're off home on Saturday afternoon. There's a pool at the hotel so Blake will be pleased.

I can't wait. With each passing day I get more and more anxious without my puppies. Poor Dexter had some discomfort from his neutering operation and I wasn't there to comfort him (nor were his balls).

This is a picture of the dogs on the day we left them. They were understandably very confused and worried. 

I can't wait to give them both lots of hugs and kisses. Friday morning can't get here soon enough.

--Mickey

Bye Bye Baby (Einstein)

We love Baby Einstein. Yeah, I'm fully aware of the controversy that led Disney to offer refunds to customers. We didn't bother to claim ours as we are perfectly happy with the series of DVDs. Yes, watching Baby Einstein DVDs is probably not going to make your baby the next Albert Einstein and it is scary to think that some people actually had those expectations. I bet they also think that drinking lots of Diet Coke will make them thin.

We liked Baby Einstein mostly because it was a great short term babysitter. Strap Blake in the highchair, put on one of the DVDs and instantly you have an invaluable baby-free half hour, perfect to take the dogs out amongst other things. Also, Blake enjoyed watching them. It made him laugh, wave his hands and get excited. It calmed him down when he was upset or when waiting for Calpol to take effect.  So what's wrong with a little bit of Baby Einstein here and there? It wasn't instead of anything else, but on top of.

In case you never saw a Baby Einstein video, let me summarize it for you: a series of short video clips featuring toys, puppets and live action with classical music playing in the background. With the occasional exception of a mini-sketch with puppets, there is no plot whatsoever. The sort of colourful surrealism one might enjoy best while smoking pot (I would imagine).

So I was a bit surprised over the last few days when Blake started protesting a few seconds after I left him in front of the laptop with Baby Einstein on, even when it was one of his favourites like On the Go (about vehicles). Was his diaper soiled? Was he still hungry for more breakfast? Was he not feeling well? Was he sitting on some toy that was poking his bottom? I'm often a bit slow, but then it clicked.

As Blake improves his mastery over the iPod I keep adding stuff to it. Recently we added some Spongebob and Thomas the Tank Engine videos. Blake would be very quickly bored with any program that involved characters talking. If there was no music, he'd walk away. That's why his favourites were Baby Einstein and Lady Gaga videos. And now almost at once there was this drastic shift. While he still likes Lady Gaga music videos (and how!) he's now quickly bored with Baby Einstein and more interested in plot-driven videos that tell a story and use dialogue or a narrator.  The baby Einstein videos are supposedly aimed at 0-3 year olds, but Blake decided he had enough at two. Seeing him giggle at a Spongebob episode filled my heart with pride. Soon I can introduce him to true classics like Ren & Stimpy. Happy Happy Joy Joy!

It's exciting, but also a bit sad. Just like when Blake started to refuse to be bottle fed. Just another aspect of babyhood that is now left in the past. They grow up so fast... On the bright side there will probably be things he'd outgrow that I'll be happy to be done with like High School Musical type nonsense or Justin Bieber... *shudder*  

--Mickey

P.S

Miron, my uncredited part-time proofreader disapproves of the Justin Bieber mention saying that Blake is way too macho to ever like someone like that. One can only hope!

Doggie Weight Loss.

What's the best way to lose weight for dogs? Why, chop something off, of course! I'll get to that in a second.

As I mentioned before we were supposed to go this week to pick up the dogs from their training summer camp, but that never happened. We booked a hotel for two nights and were supposed to go on Wednesday and come back on Friday night, staying there for two days of training so we'll be brought up to speed about what the dogs learned and what we needed to carry on doing at home.

On tuesday while the three of us were out and about we got a call from Terry, the dogs' trainer. He told Miron that we shouldn't come back yet because the dogs weren't ready. He took them out to a nearby park the day before and Dexter, who was alright with many other dogs, flipped out at a boxer and was very hard to restrain. Miron asked why was this a big surprise. That's exactly why the dogs were sent there: after Dexter was traumatized by an attack by two Jack Russels he became overly aggressive towards small dogs. It took them four weeks to figure that one out? What were they doing all this time? Rolling in cotton candy? Terry explained that he was surprised by the intensity of Dexter's attack, but that wasn't new to us. When Dexter went for it, he went for it. If you open the dictionary at "Apeshit Crazy" you'll see a picture of Dexter.

Needless to say we were dismayed. One second we were excited about meeting the dogs again and getting them yummy treats and the next we were wondering what next. What were our options? We couldn't possibly just pick up the dogs and live with it. Dexter's behaviour was getting worse. It didn't matter what were the circumstances that led to the current situation, I can't get dragged around by two out of control dogs and wait until someone will get seriously hurt. Certainly not with a toddler around. The last few walks with the two dogs before they went away were nerve-wracking. The trainer said he'll work on them for yet another week to find and determine the trigger, but that didn't sound too promising.

So what did that mean? It meant we had to give Dexter away. His breeder said she'll be always willing to take him back. We started thinking about the idea. We'll only give him back if we got a guarantee that he wouldn't be put down. But then where will he end up? And with a reputation of an aggressive dog how can we be sure he won't end up in a dog fighting ring? 

That was one sickening aspect of the concept, the other was the effect of the separation on us. Although they had the occasional disagreement, Leo and Dexter love each other and play together every day and groom each other. When our previous dog died Leo took it so bad we feared we might lose him too. Who knows how losing Dexter will affect him? And how would poor Dexter feel to lose all of us after being with us for 18 months? And don't get me started about me... It all just made me sick, but I knew we had no choice.

Or did we?

Going back to talking about doggie weight loss. Yesterday morning Dexter has lost whatever his testicles used to weight. 

Snip Snip.

The operation went well and hopefully by four to six weeks it will take full effect and Dexter will be calmer and less aggressive. We'll be picking them up next week I hope, or at the latest the week after that.

A moment of silence for Dexter's balls.

Baby Dexter's first night with us. Leo is rightfully concerned...

--Mickey

Video time.

The hot weather and various distractions make it hard for me to sit down and write properly so I'm going to cheat and post a Blake video. Been a while since I did that anyway. This one shows his mad iPod Touch skills. It was taken this morning. Since then Blake managed to master the memory game and likes to show that off. I think in a couple of months he's going to invent his own gizmo as the iPod will be too primitive for him.

--Mickey

P.S

Please forgive my singing at the end.

Wanna See Something Funny?

Well, if you want to see something funny you better skip this post. Maybe try looking for "funny pictures of cats" on Google.

Many people travel quite far for the pleasure of shopping in Central London. Perhaps it's my general dislike of shopping (I know, I'm so bad at being gay it's not even funny), it could be the fact that I live in London for thirteen years now or it could simply be the fact that I hate people (readers of my blog and my son excluded). 

So as luck would have it on Thursday I found myself wandering around Covent Garden in the icky heat amongst lots of tourists. The plan was brilliantly simple: drive for some yummy Dim Sum and then go food shopping and straight back home. But as the three of us left the Dim Sum place my better half remembered that he needed some shirts and so started our tour of the clothes shops in Covent Garden which is practically next door to China Town. Blake didn't like being indoors so I waited with him outside to look at cars. Well, he looked at cars and I fiddled with my iPhone 4 (which is so ancient now, like what, two weeks old?).

I had the joy of passing this t-shirt stall. You know, the type of t-shirts you see on sale everywhere, but you don't actually see anyone tasteless enough to wear them in public. 

"Haha, look I got you this funny t-shirt."

"Haha. Thanks! It is funny. Let me stick it in the back of the closet. Or the rubbish bin."

The hilarity and wit are mind blowing. Guy putting a gun to his head because he's getting married. "If you see the police, warn-a-brother", "no, I'm not on f***ing Facebook". Etc. Etc. Nothing new. I saw tons of them on Venice Beach when we visit LA in april.

One shirt did catch my attention. It's the one in the middle, top row. You might need to click on the picture to see it properly. It says "this man likes cock" with a finger pointing to the person on the right. Can you imagine the comedic possibilities? You can stand next to someone while wearing this shirt and have a friend quickly take a photo. Hahaha! Amazing! It's funny because who likes cock? Girls and gays, both are bad things to be compared to. How very humiliating!

Can you imagine a similar shirt mocking someone because he was a "towelhead" to mock muslims or the N word to mock blacks? I don't think that shirt would've lasted long on that display. But it's OK to display homophobic "humour" in broad day light in the middle of London.

I don't think it's funny at all and I'm sure that a closeted gay teen, just like I was, would be very upset to see something like that in the middle of the street. Grown up married with kid me just gets annoyed and whines about it on his blog. Yay for progress!

--Mickey

Boobies!

One thing (among many others) that really pisses me off, is the lack of outrage over a massive misogynic and sexist discrimination that is rarely ever discussed or debated openly in... Well, anywhere really.

You get the occasional outcry against muslims and their use of burkas. I must say that I somewhat agree and I think burkas are a way to oppress women. There's no modesty in covering your face, it's just a way for men to erase women's sense of self and turning them into a husband's possession. But before we get too smug about how morally superior we are over here in the west, let's look at boobies. Or more like, let's not since they're all covered.

I'm a guy and I can show off my nipples anywhere. I can walk down the street with my shirt off if I want to. On the other hand if I was a woman I'd probably be arrested and fined for indecent exposure. Why? Why is it OK to show male nipples, but not female nipples? We all know the answer. Men find female breasts attractive and therefore want them to be covered to avoid temptation. Oh, oops. Sounds familiar?

And just look how across most cultures this seems to be the case. Male nipples aren't considered nudity, female nipples are. In fact if we see some place where the locals go around with their tits out we nod our heads at their primitive ways. Only a few days ago Facebook censored pictures showing a topless doll. Guess what sex the doll was?

As an extension of that absurd discrimination public breast feeding is considered obscene by many. Boobs being used for their original purpose is considered indecent by those who can't help seeing them as a sexual object.

How the f*** (excuse my censored bad language) is this acceptable and a non-issue? It's the crux of sexist discrimination and no one is doing anything about it. Most feminist organizations fight sexual portrayal of women and unwittingly harm the cause for equality. I'm gay so I'm obviously not trying to cunningly make women everywhere to whip out their airbags.

I don't think about it often, because when I do it really makes me angry. Especially since I don't think anything will change about it in my life time.

--Mickey

Life Without My Doggies

As I mentioned in my original post on the subject, the first couple of days without the dogs were really weird. I couldn't enjoy the fact that I didn't have to take them on walks or feed them and therefore had more time for myself. I simply missed them too much and was worried that they were even more miserable being away from home and from us, something they have never done in the past.

Well, it's now been almost three weeks (on Thursday) and I must say that I'm actually enjoying my time off from the dogs. Sort of. (I really hope there won't be any technological advances anytime soon that will allow dogs to read blogs.)

I can see why some people rather not own a pet even if they do like them. Much less work, the house is cleaner, no big doggies blocking the way when you're in a hurry, no accidental slobber on your clothes just before you leave for work and in Dexter's case, not being dragged down the street. I do miss them, but not as much as I thought I would. I actually got used to not having them around. The house does not feel weird and empty without them. And Blake? He couldn't care less.

Mostly what makes it easier is knowing that they're actually having fun over there and that the training is apparently going well (I'll believe it when I next meet another dog with Dexter and remain vertical).

But I do miss them. I do miss them greeting me when I come home. I do miss their satisfied and grateful expressions after I walked or fed them. I miss sharing a sofa with Leo while I'm in the living room. I miss Dexter's random kisses. I miss Leo putting his head on our bed, desperate to go on it and knowing this is as far as he can go. I miss seeing Dexter and Leo chasing each other in the field during the midnight walk. I just miss them.

But next week we'll be heading over to Royvon in South Wales for a few days to be trained ourselves (I hope we get treats if we're good!) so we can carry on training them at home and then we'll all head back. Should be a hoot! I can't wait to show Leo my new iPhone 4 and tell Dexter that the TV show V got the green light for a second series.

And now pictures from Royvon:

Dexter the cuddle bunny

Dexter in the Play all Day area

Leo Play all Day

Leo is tired, but happy

Dexter and his trainer Terry and some other Great Dane. Notice how Dexter is so well behaved and not trying to eat the other's dog face.

Still not trying to eat the other dog's face. Good puppy!

Leo is socializing with a boxer.

Happy Leo

I'm not sure what's going on here, but I can always recognize that expression on Leo's face. He's being told off and he's feeling guilty because he really does want to be a good boy.

The boys own the place

Is it treat time?

Leo and Dexter weren't tagged in this photo, it's not dated and there were plenty of other Great Danes there so it might not be them. It could be their evil(er) twins!

--Mickey

Blake Headlines.

A random selection of Blake updates.

Blake likes playing with my computer when I'm not on it. I'm not sure what he exactly does, but I often find the mouse and keyboard dangling by their cords and any drawer in his reach open with its content scattered all over the carpet. The keyboard that came with my Mac eventually stopped working and I'm now typing on a piece of crap that's barely responding and the layout is just a little different, but enough to totally screw up my blind typing. Gotta get a new one tomorrow.

In other news Blake enjoys taking pictures using the Mac's photobooth software. He especially likes trying on Papa's goofy glasses. In fact, whenever he finds a pair of glasses he tries putting them on, not very successfully. I hope he won't be needing glasses any time soon, or even ever, but just in case it's good to know that he can pull it off.

Reading the news today, it's Binky!

Blake is totally into drawing nowadays. He'd occasionally try it in the past, but not quite see the point of it. Now he loves scribbling. It got to the point that I couldn't leave any work from college lying around in the dinning room or Blake will take it upon himself to help me mark it.  His notes were very insightful, but illegible. There was a learning curve involved where I taught him that he can't use the pen to draw on Papa or on his iPod. Friends gave us one of those magnetic scribble and wipe boards so that might reduce any potential drawing rampages on the wallpapers - for now. He loves taking turns: he'd scribble a little and then give me the pen. Sometimes if I draw a car or a panda well enough I may get a smile out of him.

I wrote a bit in the past about Blake's swimming lessons. We stopped with that for now, but I do still take him to our local pool which is quite nice and fun for kids as it has a wave machine and various sprinkles and fountains. Unfortunately since I go alone I can't take any pictures of Blake. Maybe I can take my brand new iPhone 4 and see if it's waterproof. Blake has been to that pool twice now. The first time he was a bit overwhelmed by everything, but on his second visit he was fearless. He kept wading through the water into the deep end and when the water nearly covered his mouth I'd try picking him up or pulling him back and he'd resist in annoyance. The little man has a plan and knows what he wants! I was annoyed by all the 6-10 year olds running, splashing and rough playing around us, but Blake enjoyed studying their behaviour. Obviously doing his research for when it'll be his time to be an annoying and rowdy 6-10 year old.

We got some flute-like toys ages ago which Blake ignored. When he discovered he could make noises by blowing air into them he was quite pleased. We cheered him the first few times and now after blowing into the toy he grins expectantly and waits for the applause. He giggles and trembles a little in sheer delight every time he gets a standing ovation for his performance.

It's easy to know when Blake is approaching you. Usually you'll hear Lady Gaga's Poker Face playing in the distance and gradually getting louder and louder until finally Blake himself will show up. He'd often place the iPod next to me and expect me to sing and dance along and he would excitedly try watching both me and Ms. Gaga perform for him.

It's a good thing I stopped playing World of Warcraft or any other kind of multiplayer game that relies on other human players, since I can never play anything peacefully when Blake is awake. He'd often come to me with a book to read for him, a piece of paper and a pen so we could draw together or a box of a floor puzzle for me to assemble for him while he takes it apart. I always pause my game, movie or TV show and entertain him. Oddly enough I often enjoy the interruption more than my original activity.

When Blake just started going to his nursery I was concerned that he didn't care when I left and was quite upset when I came to take him home away from all the fun. Separation anxiety is a normal development stage and I was concerned that Blake wasn't experiencing it. Well, it only took a couple weeks. Now most times Blake would cling to me and wail. I'd have to give him to one of the girls and run away. I'd wait outside until I couldn't hear him cry anymore. A couple of times that took quite a while. Sometimes he'd even start crying as soon as we walked inside and rarely when we would just leave home. Like a dog sensing a vet visit, toddlers can sense nursery visits. He's going only twice a week to socialize and play with other children, so it's not an everyday occurrence.  But as hard as it is sometimes to leave him there crying, it's always a joy to pick him up. A massive grin spreads on his face when he notices me and he'd run to me and fling himself on me in the most melodramatic manner. I love it.

Blake can now snack whenever he wants. He discovered the fruit bowl in the dinning room and helps himself to a couple of apples or pears when he feels peckish. It's the only snack within his reach and he loves it just the way it is, no need to cut it to wedges or slice it. The only problem is that he'd throw the apple away when he's done, doesn't matter where. Oh well.

When the weather is nice enough I put sun block on Blake and let him run naked in the garden to play in and around his baby pool. He took an apple with him to snack on and conducted scientific experiments by throwing it into the water to see it float and then carried on eating it. Walking around naked with an apple he brought up both biblical and scientific connotations. 

There are probably tons of other little anecdotes and new bits, but I think that's enough for now. Certainly when writing on this utterly crappy keyboard.

--Mickey

Final Destination 5

I'm going to try and guess the plot for Final Destination 5: 

A group of young people (consisting of regular kid, regular girl, jerk, bitch, weirdo/loner, black guy, milf) are going to nearly die in a mass accident but be saved by regular boy or girl who has a premonition. 

Why are you standing in the middle of the racing track striking a pose? RUN!!!

They will start dying one by one in freak accidents while trying to figure out a way to stop death. When they think they figured out a way to stop death they realize that actually they didn't and they shockingly die anyway. 

Horror movies prey on the audience's real life fears. In this case, dying from an explosion while watching a 3D movie. 

Some of the death scenes will involve many fake-outs when something we think might kill the characters doesn't. Regular boy/girl will find a way decipher clues for the next death, but most of the time be too late. It'll often involve lots of bad acting, generic soulless casting and increasingly more and more idiotic set pieces.

Oh my! A sharp pipe. I better lean forward and position my head right in front it so the airbag will impale my head on it.

Yeah, bad idea.

Get back to me next year to see how much of it I guessed correctly.

I actually enjoyed all of the Final Destination movies, but with each one I enjoyed it less and less. I guess if I enjoy FD5 more than I did FD4 it'll be a step in the right direction.

Don't worry, they're not dead. They just fell asleep like half of the audience. 

--Mickey

Blake's Favourite iPod/iPhone Applications. Part I

Yeah, I wrote applications, not apps. It's enough that I need to butcher the rules of basic English by writing "iPhone" or "iPod". Next Apple will release a product called "iThinkiMLameLOL".

Anyway, this post is about Blake's favourite iPod applications. The list changes over time as he grows a bit older or just simply gets bored by one application or seduced by a newer one. But this is a list of ones you might want to consider if you're stupid enough to let you kids near your iDevice or even worse get them their own, or even worse get them their own three times after they keep destroying it again and again by sucking on the devices.

I Hear Ewe

One of the earliest I downloaded and a firm favourite for a while. Click on various cartoons of farm animals and hear the sound they make while the cartoon grows bigger to fill the screen. You can slide through two pages with a total of 24 animals. An upgrade added a new page with 12 vehicles which was extremely exciting for Blake who's obssesed with vehicles. Much as he loves Lady Gaga, he'll dump her like yesterday's soggy cereal for a car. Autos before hoes. Best of all? It's completely free.

I See Ewe

Just got it today and while this one isn't free, it's cheap enough and focuses on recognizing various shapes, animals and objects. Not the best of its kind, but more than decent.

Baby Flash Cards

Super simple. Cards with illustration and words. You or your little one can flick through the pictures with or without the written words. That's it. Shame they have big buttons on the main page linking to other applications, as babies might press them accidently and be taken away from their game. Well, can't complain too much since it is free. Regardless, Blake has figured out that by pressing the big button he is taken back to the main iPod menu, so it's not too big of an issue.

Giraffe's Matching Zoo

Available for free and as a deluxe version. A very slick matching game with great presentation, graphics and sounds. Deluxe version has a few more game options and a bit more sparkle.

Spongebob Tickler

Available in a free and deluxe version. Blake liked the free version so much that I splurged on the deluxe version. Tickle and shake Spongebob and when you're bored indulge in other activities like capturing jelly fish or dressing up Spongebob. Blake even figured out how to take a snapshot and set it as his wallpaper. Spongebob's voice might drive you into stirring your brain with chopsticks through your ears after awhile (and by awhile I mean 30 seconds), but I think it's very cute and clever and got lots of giggles out of Blake.

That's it for part one. More soon. Please feel free to mention any other baby applications and games in the comments. I'm always happy to learn about new ones and I sure so will Blake.

--Mickey

iStuff

I got the new iPhone, and not only that, I also got it on launch day. Before you jump to the conclusion that I'm a dorky nerd (you can reach that conclusion taking the scenic route), let me show you what my last iPhone looked like:

I wish I could blame Blake or the dogs, but that's my work. I dropped it many times with no damage until that one time where the screen cracked. Oddly enough I could still use the touch screen and even more bizarrely, this wasn't the worst damage the phone has sustained. What you can't see in the picture is the internal damage caused by Blake.

Using electric devices as lollypop substitutes has obliterated two iPod Touches and nearly killed my old iPhone. Though my iPhone managed to come back to life from Blake's attempted murder the old chap was never the same again. For one thing the big round button became partly stuck and I had to use ridiculous amount of pressure to make it respond. Sometime it helped if I first blew some air into the socket. Furthermore, while it would charge, it wouldn't properly connect so I couldn't stick it into a set of speakers anymore. And it wasn't ringing properly. In short, I suffered taking care of this dying phone for six months and enough was enough. I decided to suffer just a tiny bit longer and wait for the newest model.

I must say I like it. It's very slick and awesome and I love the screen quality. Everything is so colurful and bright you'd think you can just eat it (I hope Blake doesn't try). The video camera is very handy and in impressive quality. At first I wanted to do nothing but cuddle with my new baby and was looking to see if there's any legal way for me to adopt it as a son, but now that my new iPhone is three days old the novelty has worn off. The its-just-came-out-today-and-I-have-one feeling is long gone.

Blake got his third (!) iPod Touch for his second birthday and so far it has survived for over a month. The trick I found to reduce the chance of drool floods is to to put the rubber case upside down so the socket at the bottom is covered. So far, so good! Considering there are so many baby and toddler applications you'd think someone will make a proper drool-proof cover!

We also use iMacs which are nice, but we have no intention of getting an iPad. That's where we draw the line. It's a silly toy. Hey, my iMac is like an iPad only: The screen is bigger, it has a keyboard so it's easier to type, I don't need to hold it my hands as it has it's own base, it has USB sockets, I can use Flash on it and there are no finger smudges on the screen! Wow!

Tomorrow I might list Blake's favourite games/applications, though most of the time his iPod Touch is used to play Lady Gaga's Poker Face. I know, shocking. I was sure Bad Romance was his favourite until he taught me otherwise once he could make his own choice. He'd occasionally check out the Baby Einstein and Spongebob videos when he gets tired of seeing Gaga skanking it out.

--Mickey

Doggie Summer Camp

As planned, on Thursday we drove to Wales with Blake and the doggies. It was actually a very quick trip, took us less than three hours with a couple of stops. We left at around eleven. I had to pick up some stuff from the dry cleaners and take Leo quickly to the vet to make sure he's good to go since he had a couple of scratches we weren't sure about. All was good.

We were very anxious, but Dexter was kind enough to remind us why they had to go to be trained. In the morning I brought Blake to our bed for a few sessions of baby wresling. Leo and Dexter were both jealous and were eager to grab whatever was left of our attention. We weren't sure exactly what happened, I imagine Leo was trying to push Dexter away from us, but Dexter attacked Leo. The both of them were growling and barking and jumping at each other. It was utterly unacceptable for them to fight in our bedroom so close to Blake so I yelled at them to stop and even started hitting them with a shoe. It took Dexter a good twenty seconds or so to snap out of it. When he flips out, he flips out. There were obviously no harm done to Leo, other than his neck getting wet. Last time they fought like this Leo finished his dinner first and decided to help himself to Dexter's food - while Dexter was still eating! So I can understand Dexter's wish to protest, but there's a time and place for everything - not in our bedroom and not next to Blake.

We found the training centre with no problem and we parked outside. The dogs immediately started jumping in excitement. They knew that more often than not our trips take them somewhere fun with lots of places to run and pee in. Miron went in to bring one of the trainers while I stayed in the car with Blake and the dogs. They were of course moving around restlessly in the back of the car, eager to get out. I felt bad since they were oblivious to our deception and betrayal. Then people with dogs went by the two broke into mad barking and growling once again reminding me why it was necessary. Miron and the main trainer, Terry, came and looked at the dogs through the car's windows. After a quick chat he brought a big biker-type guy to help him. For a second I thought that was overkill, but then I had a quick flashback montage of all the many times my dogs dragged me around all over Britain. I think I clocked about 5 miles of total distance over the years.

It was very quick. The dogs got out of the car excited and we all walked in. One by one the biker dude led the dogs to the kennels. I didn't even get to say goodbye, which I guess was a good thing, as hugging them and whispering lovey dovey things in their ears would've just made them more nervous. Dexter couldn't care less and was just looking around excitedly. Leo on other hand was a bit more hesitant and kept looking back at me.

We went to the office and talked for a long time with the people running the place, business and otherwise. We made sure they knew every little bit of trivia about our dogs down to Leo's favourite American Idol judge (trick question, he hates them all equally).  Blake loved exploring the office once he was given a box full of toys kept by the manager who has her young boy come over sometimes. He even got to keep a cool yellow car as a gift (Blake had his own Sophie's Choice moment when he had to choose between the yellow car and a Thomas the Tank Engine). Tough deal for the doggies, good deal for Blakey! I glanced at the dogs a couple of times, waiting in their kennels and looking for us to come and get them. Hanging around so near but without access to the woofers was too much. I wanted to wrap things up and go as soon as possible.

I unloaded the doggie blankets we brought from home and lots of Shmackos, their favourite snack, and we left. We drove quite a bit, stopped for Burger King where Blake had his second ever kid's meal and he obliterated his fries and half a mini-burger (he did NOT like ketchup this time and tried shaking it off the chips that got "infected"). He also ran around all over the service station. So between lots of car time which he loves and the rest of the attractions Blake had a great day. He couldn't care less that we left the two cows behind.

Then we got home and that's when it really got weird.

No dogs greeted us at the door. A ghost house full of dog toys, food and water bowls, blankets, bones and tons of dog hair imbued into the carpets, giving them a unique new texture. But no dogs.

As the days went by it became more and more unsettling: no Leo lying on the sofa and pushing me off with his paws as I play my X-Box, no Dexter sticking his head over my shoulder as I change Blake, no dogs camping in the middle of the stairs, no doggies coming to me when I eat to ask for a bite, no doggies running around the room in the morning in order to wake me up, no Dexter farting in rhythm as he goes down the stairs, no Leo snoring next to our bed.

I miss all of that. I didn't even manage to bring myself to enjoy the first few days of not having to take my dogs for a walk early in the morning or just before I go to bed. Instead I found it hard to fall asleep and I'd wake up early anyway startled by the fact that the dogs aren't trying to wake me up. A bit like when Blake started sleeping through the night and I'd wake up startled anyway, worried that something might be wrong since he's not crying.

I know that being away from Blake for 3-4 weeks would be worse, but it's sort of the same. I won't be thrilled that I don't need to feed, change or wash him. All I'll think about is how I'm being deprived of his amazing laughter, cuddly hugs and playfulness and also worry that he won't be having too much fun being away from me too.

We left the dogs before, but I was never home alone without the dogs in the last eight years since we got our first dog Kato. This is just weird. But in two days it'll be the end of the first week and I'll get closer to a teary reunion. Running towards each other in slow motion through a field of flowers and all that crap.

The first morning without them was the worst. I expected the dog people to call and tell me that Leo has died overnight from a broken heart. Yeah, a tiny part in me actually feared that. Drama queen much? Thankfully that wasn't the case. In fact, seems the dogs have actually bonded with their trainer, Terry, and are having fun. Ungrateful bastards! They should be at least as sad as I am if not more!

The dog people sent us a couple of pictures today to prove that the dogs are still alive and well:

Leo loves soaking some rays.

Dexter loves looking sexy for da ladies.

I miss you guys...

--Mickey

Road to Doggie Juvie : Chapter 3

Dex to Mex here. Yo. Let's keep it quick coz I got CRAZY plans for tonight. Me and some bitches are gonna paint the town yellow. I drank a lot and gonna pee like there's no tomorrow.

Where was I? Yeah. The hedgehog. The other day I found a hedgehog and Papa was so jealous he kept chasing me and trying to get it out of my mouth. Get your own, cuddlebutt! Eventually he got the spiky thing and what does he do? WHAT DOES HE DO? Let the bugger go. Could not believe it.

So... GAAAAH. Enough. I don't know if you figured it out, but it's not really Dexter writing. It's still me, Mickey. No, seriously. I only pretended to be Dexter. No, seriously. I know it was utterly convincing and I fooled you and I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to deceive. I promise to never abuse my divine writing skills again in order to impersonate (or more like imdogate) someone else.

The thing is, Dexter is very hard to control and ever since the fight with the Jack Russels he became even more of a handful. His intentions are good and pure, but he's gotta figure out that he's not in charge. So off he goes to training school for three weeks. We weren't sure if we were going to send Leo as well as he's easier to control and also older, but we were told that if only one of them gets the training all the bad habits from the other dog will rub right back as soon as they reunite, which makes sense.

So, much as it breaks my heart, tomorrow we're going to all pile into the car and drive for almost four hours to South Wales to drop the doggies at summer camp. At least I'd rather think of it as summer camp. Just hopefully not the kind with machete wielding, hockey mask wearing killers.

We've been away from the dogs in the past for three weeks. We were even away for four months when we had to go to Toronto for Blake's birth. But this is the first time we'll be staying home and the dogs won't be here. I never stayed in this house without having to feed and walk my doggies. The house is going to be so empty... No Leo snoring next to our bed. No Dexter combo stringing farts as he goes down the stairs.

And they're not going to like it. Especially Leo who's very attached and neurotic. We asked the trainers to keep an eye on Leoshy and if he doesn't settle in and is too upset we'll drive right over to pick him up and take him home.

I kinda want to drop them off already and get it over with, as waiting for that moment is so upsetting. Then after that I can start the countdown toward the teary reunion with two clever and well behaved doggies who can show off to daddy and papa all the new tricks they learned.

Not to mention that taking the dogs out will be far less stressing and I'll be spending more time vertically during the walks.

Sigh!

--Mickey

Road to Doggie Juvie : Chapter 2

Another one for the ladies. I'm pretty, accept it and move on.

Hey peoples! It's your homie Dexterror the Great (Dane). I like this blog thing, much better than licking my balls while I wait for my next walk or meal. Well, it's not really better than licking my balls, but a close second.

Where was I yesterday when I was so rudely interrupted? Oh yeah, "Hellz to the no, bitch goes down."

I gave the order and both me and Leo rushed that evil-but-pretending-he's-not poodle, dragging Papa behind us. He was like "No! Stop!", but whatever, talk to the paw coz the face ain't listening. He can let go of the leads if he wants, the schmuck, but there's no stopping the D-Train (the D is for Dexter, that's my name). Leo stopped once he realized Papa was being dragged on the pavement like a Scandinavian hooker on a bank holiday. It was really all up to me now. People from both the restaurant and the pub were gathering around looking from every balcony and corner. They wanted a show and I was going to give them one.

I'm strong, but even I have my limits and I stumbled and me and Papa were rolling together for a bit before we came to a stop. Not only was he not helping, the doofus was getting in the way! But there was no time to die of embarassment. This dawg had business to take care of. The evil poodle was getting away!

I got up before Papa and ran away. On the plus side I managed to wriggle out of my collar during our Katamari Damacy impersonation (a dog making a videogame reference, respect!). Papa got up and started chasing us. I thought he finally got his act together and was helping me. He was certainty cheering me on as he kept shouting my name again and again. I nearly got the poodle but he went hiding under a car. I stuck my head under it, but it was too tight to crawl under it.

The poodle came out the other way and ran down the beach. I ran after him and Papa was running after me. It was the most amazing moment in my entire life ever (other than the one time we got pork pate for dinner), until I realized Papa was completely and utterly insane.

He was chasing me, I realized! So I was like "what the fuh?" and I found myself running away from him rather than chase the evil poodle who can now plot away his revenge. Stupid humans! Eventually Papa caught me and punished me. He was obviously jealous of my bravery. The humans were talking a bit and then we all walked away. Now if that poodle will come one night to kill us all in our sleep don't blame me. Partly coz I tried to warn you and partly coz I'll be dead. Thanks Papa!!!

And then there was the thing with the hedgehog the other day.

But I gotta go jump around in circles in the living room and bunch up the big carpet into a big ball. It's that time of day.

--Dexter

Chapter 3