Who's Your Papa?

For many years we were trying to figure out how to become parents. Shall we use surrogacy? Partner up with lesbians? Adopt? We never actually thought past that point.

After we learnt we were pregnant and expecting out first child, that is when other questions popped out of nowhere.

One that I found particularly intriguing was: what should our children call us?

To our dogs we were both daddy. If either of us asks the dogs "where's daddy?" they'll excitedly run to the other daddy. Jokingly we'll each refer to each other as "evil daddy". That's not an issue, since the dogs can't talk and won't be calling us daddy.

But what about a child? For a child mommy and daddy are the names of his parents. When a kid calls for his mommy he means only one person. How can we both be daddy?

We can't.

So I came up with a very original solution. Since I grew up with parents who were russian immigrants in Israel I called my father both papa (russian) and later aba (hebrew). I decided to go with papa, as that sounds more universal (pronounced like Tapas without the S). So we'll be daddy and papa. Out of curiousity I did some research and found out that most gay couples have used that "very original" solution!

Other solutions include calling each parent daddy with their name afterwards (for example daddy Jack and daddy Mark). It's OK, but doesn't work for me.

To make things more complicated, I then realized that being papa puts me in a great disadvantage. Most children books, tv shows, movies and so on always refer to mommy and daddy. Papa is never mentioned! There are many cute baby clothes that refer to "daddy's little mate" or "%50 Mommy %50 Daddy". No papa...

So the solution for now is to buy some french baby clothes in Montreal that refer to papa. As for the depiction of papa in children's fiction? Well, if it doesn't exist I'll have to create it, but more on that later.

So there you go. One of the many unique little "problems" we keep encountering on this wonderful journey.

--Mickey

THE PREGNANT MAN

This is a story about a female to male transgender person who decided he wants to keep his female organs intact so he could have his own biological children.

I thought I’ve seen it all, but wow. This is pretty mind blowing. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it when I first read about it. The story doesn’t go into those details, but I assume once Thomas Beatie had all the biological children he wanted, he would finish his transformation.

I was always a little scared by the concept of transgenders. Not transgenders themselves, not who they are before or after the transition. What I found scary was the process. I can’t possibly imagine how it feels to feel like you are trapped in the wrong body. To view your penis or vagina not as a source of pleasure, but as a foreign object. I suppose the nearest non-transgender people can imagine what it feels like is to imagine what would happen if they were kidnapped and were forced to have a sex change operation. What would you feel like if suddenly there was a fleshy slit between your legs? Or the other way around, suddenly there’s this dangling piece of flesh between your legs. I find the idea repulsive and unpleasant. And I can only guess that’s what transgenders feel like from early childhood.

Now if gay people need courage to come out of the closet, transgenders need a hundred time the courage to do that. To tell your family and friends the news that will cause many of them to turn away from you. To embark on this long journey of gender reassignment and live with the fact that even with the best and most expensive treatments out there, some unlucky individuals will get to be only an approximation of the opposite sex with little things about them giving away their original sex (which in turn makes them a target to vicious strangers).

So when I read about Thomas I was so impressed. Even though his reassignment isn’t finished, he’s got a massive set of balls already. Not only did he start the process of change, he made a very clear and very practical plan to stop halfway in the process in order to have his own biological children. That takes an amazing amount of conviction, especially in light of his family’s attitude. This man is going to be a fantastic role model for his children.

When I was a gay teenager I assumed that I’ll never have a proper family, maybe just a long term boyfriend if I’m lucky. And here I am married and one month away from the birth of my first son. When there’s will, there’s a way.

Good for you Thomas Beatie. You’re the man!

--Mickey

It Starts...

As preparation for the birth I'm trying to sort out some sort of network of gay parents in London. You'd think with the wonders of Google and Facebook it won't be a problem to find many gay parents in London, but you'd be surprised. Only one person joined my Facebook group and she's only thinking about becoming a parent for the time being. It's been just the two of us for the last few months.

I took a calculated risk and posted on a general parenting forum and asked them what do they suggest I should do. Two posters, who are apparently the forums' local clowns, started making rude and inappropriate gay jokes. Another poster made the ignorant comment that I should get to know people first and only then confide in them that I'm gay as if that's some kind of secret and someone else voiced serious concern for the safety of my kids being raised with gay parents (due to society's reaction, rather than our specific parenting skills). I wonder if he would advise black people not to have children too in case they'll have to face racism as they grow up...

That little interaction was a bit depressing, but also eye opening. This is exactly the kind of crap I should be bracing myself for. And this is exactly why it'll be nice to have the support of people in the neighbourhood who go through something similar.

It's going to be one heck of a ride...

--Mickey

Facebook

I've created a Facebook group for Gay Parents in London. Not sure how many people will join...

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=5136346737

I'm not sure how many people will join, but we'll see.

On further reflection, I decided that I don't really don't have that much to say as a father to be... So I might go quiet again for awhile until the birth.

I might still post about other things... We'll see. Like I said, play it by ear.

--Mickey

Lines

I never treated my blog as personal diary where I write intimiate things. Mostly because of the fact that it's not a personal diary. This is something that is available on-line for anyone to read. I'm not going to discuss personal problems or issues because I simply don't want to.

So here I go and discuss our pergnancy and wedding. Are these things personal? Of course they are. So why am I doing it?

I'm doing this to raise awareness about the issue. Spread the word. Let other gay people know that they can and should go for it if they want a family. I hope that by sharing out experiences we will also be able to educate many straight people who don't really know gay people and the unique problems they face. That's pretty much it.

I'm still going to draw some lines and not share everything. Where exactly? I'll just play it by ear.

--Mickey

Holy crap, we're pregnant.

We're pregnant. We are now actually pregnant. The start of a new life is always amazing, but it is even more so when you never really think it will happen to you.

Being gay I never really knew what the future will bring. There aren't that many gay role models for young gay people to look up to, certainly not many that have their own family and children. Being gay, you kinda think that is the sort of priviledge kept for straight people. When I was a teenager my plan was to come out of the closet once my mother passed away. The idea that I will be openly gay and bring my partner home to meet my parents was as real to me as becoming a rock star. And now I'm going to become a father and get married... That is the sort of thing that makes me genuinly believe that's absolutely anything can happen. Well, except for becoming a rock star (though I might just about pass through one stage on X-Factor).

This hasn't really sunk in yet, to be honest. I keep telling myself that in a few months a new human being will join our family and life will never ever be the same again.

I haven't been writing at all in my blog this year because I didn't have much to write about. Most of the interesting things I was going through were some drama at work and outside and various projects I can't discuss on my blog due to confidentiality and common sense. Though with a baby on the way, all those "exciting" things suddenly look so unimportant and silly.

Being a gay couple having our own biological children we'll be facing many unique obstacles and problems over the next few years and I think it'll be nice to share those concerns and worries (and hopefully solutions).

We've only started on our path and I'll be doing some catch up with what we've been through so far in the next few posts.

Pregnant. Wow. I keep repeating that enough times, it might eventually really sink in!

--Mickey

Blame World of Warcraft!

Clips from the Tyra Banks show regarding a World of Warcraft addict.





Man, watching that pissed me off a little.

I got The Burning Crusade a few weeks ago and I was playing it quite a bit over the last few weeks, pretty much abandoning all my other games. But that's not unique, the same happens often when I get a great game that sucks me in (Kingdom Hearts 2, Metroid Prime, Resident Evil 4 and so on). I still went out to meet people, spent time watching TV with my partner, going to the gym and taking care of my dogs.

The whole videoclip was just so partonizing and crap television. Tyra doesn't even know what the game is about. WoW isn't just a game, you play it with other people and that makes it a social activity. It doesn't justify playing 40+ weekly hours, but know what you're talking about.

The magical solution of shredding the discs is such a joke. For one thing, once installed, you don't need to have the original discs to play (again, know what you're talking about) and nothing stops the guy from buying the game again or borrowing discs from friends to re-install it. Obviously the problems in that relationship goes much deeper than just the game and if the guy has an addictive personality and a desire to escape his real-life responsibilities, he'll find something else to get addicted to. It kinda brings to mind the song "Blame Canada" from the South Park movie.

For example, he can get addicted to watching crappy chat shows that offer magical solutions to complex problems. I never watch that show, but can someone please enlighten me and tell me if Tyra ever did a show about guys who want to leave their girlfriends because they watch too many soaps and talk shows? I wouldn't imagine she would want to piss off her main demographic!

--Mickey

How I Didn't Break into the Comics Industry Part 1

As we grow older we realize that many other people have very similar dreams and fears and it's both comforting and disturbing. It's nice to know other people struggle with the same problems, but if they have similar goals doesn't that make them your, at least indirect, competition?

In 1996 I discovered the internet. It was a prehistortic forefather of today's information highway monster, but mind blowing nonetheless. It was such a delight to log into a chat room and chat to a girl from Sweden or curiously check a sex chat and be asked politley by a stranger what breed is my dog and if he can have sex with him. Suddenly there was this magical little gateway that allowed me to transfer my mind around the world and talk to people anywhere in the world touched by modern science.

While in real life I knew only a handful of people who read superhero comics. suddenly I could discuss it with American readers, the main market for this genre. My English was a bit broken, but not worse than most foreigners' who were trudging the web for the first time in those early days. My English was good enough to understand and be understood and during those chats and e-mail exchanges I improved my English language skills far faster and better than I ever did in highschool. This wasn't some dry textbook, this was the real thing with real people talking the way real people talked in the 90's.

In 1996 my highschool major was Theatre and I was a member at two different theatre groups. I viewed myself mostly as an actor, but at the same time I was also very passionate about writing. That was when I realized I wasn't alone. There were others who wanted to be writers. I sort of knew that already, that there will be fierce competition in any artform I will choose to pursue, but suddenly, with the wonders of technology, the truth was laid bare in front of me. The worrying part was that I thought some of these writers were really good (I wouldn't go as far as saying "better than me" to preserve my selfesteem). Not only technically with better grammar and spelling, but the actual ideas and storytelling.

The biggest shock, though, was to suddenly meet comics creators on those various message boards. People who were nothing more than names in credit boxes in my favourite comicbooks were suddenly hanging around on the same messageboard as me and answering my questions. Most didn't even bother to hide their e-mail addresses and were very kind and patient to answer most of the e-mails they were sent. There were quite a few of them, but the ones that stick to mind were Peter David, Karl Kesel and Todd Dezago. I was starstruck and very happy. Realizing that there were real people behind the stories strenghened my that that's what I also want to do. Writing comics was an actual job.

During my first year in London I went to a foundation drama school. I wasn't accepted to any of the three year courses I applied to (I'd like to believe because I never managed to get rid of my Israeli accent, just make it sound even funnier). This was a requirement to get an equity card and start working in the UK as a proffesional actor. As my twelve steps plan to win an Oscar by the age of thirty was beginning to fall apart I decided to try very hard to break into the comics industry as a writer. Little did I know that I was moving from one illusive goal to a far worse one. You see, there are far fewer wannabe comicbook writers than wannabe actors, but there were even fewer positions for comicbook writers than there are for actors.

As of writing this, nearly a decade later, I'm yet to win an Oscar or see my name on the cover of a mass marketed comicbook. But it was an interesting ride that hopefully isn't over yet.

--Mickey

I'm baaack. Sort of.

Been a while, wasn't it? Not that I think anyone was reading this blog regularly anyway. I'm writing it mostly for myself, at least for the moment.

I was writing this blog and the Puppy Love comicstrips as a way to keep practicing, to make sure I write on a regular basis. That stopped when I started working very hard on a real project I can't talk about yet. Suddenly I didn't need to practice as I was doing the real thing.

But since it can fall apart at any moment, I can't talk about it yet. When it's announced properly or falls flat on its face, that's when I'll be able to share.

So the most exciting thing that's going on in my life is something I can't talk about. This does not bode well for a blog, now does it?

So instead I'll do something I was thinking about doing for a long time, but never got around to do. Write about all my past attempts at breaking into the comics industry and various other related anecdotes. While nothing spectacular, these are fun little stories that some people might find interesting and I would like to write down. I could only call it "How I Didn't Break Into the Comics Industry (Yet)".

--Mickey

Bad dog acting

You know what I'm talking about - bad dog acting. You see it often in movies and TV. When it's obvious the dog doesn't give a crap about the actor that plays his owner and doesn't react emotionally as he should in certain situations. The dog would run off screen excited when he should just walk away (obviously running to his trainer who's holding a treat for him) or just stare at his owner after not seeing him for a long time instead of jumping around happily.

LOST has pretty crap dog acting. Cute dog, but very unconvincing. I mean, compare it to the heart wrenching performances from the dogs in Eight Below. A big hit series like LOST can't afford better dog trainers?

Just saying.

--Mickey

Nacholicious

I've been neglecting this blog a bit, but I found a good reason to write. I'm going to share my Nachos recipe with the billions of readers of this blog.

It's not an entirely original recipe, just a spin on an old favourite that's super easy to make, tasty and filling. Now when I order nacho plates at pubs I'm disappointed that it's not nearly as good as the one I make at home.

Ingredients:

A big bag of nachos (I use Tesco plain Nachos, avoid flavoured ones)
A can of beans (experiment with different types, my favourite is Tesco's Taco Mix)
A jar of Salsa (I really like the Nando's Peri Peri Salsa)
Mature Cheddar Cheese (I grate my own since it tastes better, but you can buy it grated to save time and effort)

2 tomatoes, a bit of garlic and salt.

Sour cream

Process:

Take a soup/cereal bowl and put a thick layer of nachos. Tops it with salsa, beans and cheese until the nachos are all covered. The exact quantities are not an exact science and you could experiment to find your favourite balance. Cover the mess with more tacos and repeat (I usually use three layers of nachos) until the bowl is heaped with goodies.

Preheat oven to 180 (160 if fan assisted) and heat it for 8 minutes.

The garlic, tomatoes and salt should be put in a blender until they become a creamy smooth dip. Again, the amount of garlic and salt is up to you. Another way to approach is to just chop it all into tiny bits.

Pour the tomatoes dip to one ramekin and put sour cream in the other ramekin.

The nachos bowl should be very hot, so be very careful!

Either dip nachos in the dips (hence the name) or spoon it over the bowl.

With a bit more effort you can add to the bowl fried minced beef or cooked chicken to make it more substantial and carnivore-friendly.

Writing all of this makes want to have some nachos now. Damn.

Please let me know if it turned out OK for you or if you have any ideas how improve it further.

--Mickey

Apologies

Don't know how many people read this blog regularly, but just in case: I'm sorry.

Sorry I didn't get to update it often enough.

The main reason for this blog was to provide me with a way to keep my writing skills sharp. Right now I'm in the middle of writing something else, something I could hopefulyl reveal here when the time is right.

And I'm also doing the weekly Puppy Love strip which is still on schedule.

So sorry if this blog isn't updated as often as I'd like.

I've been to Alton Towers last week and I might write about that soon. Ooooh!

--Mickey

My good deed for the day.

Yesterday after walking home from the tube, the woman walking in front of me dropped from her bag something that looked like a few cigarrettes. Another guy also noticed it too, but kept quiet. I was about to bring her attention to it and then, as I got closer, I realized these were tampons. So I just shut my mouth and kept walking. I'm sure she would've prefered losing a few tampons than being told in front of several strangers that she just dropped a few tampons.

I exercised quick thinking and sensitivity in a manner worthy of praise. Yay me.

--Mickey

Pupstar

After announcing the Puppy Love blog comics on the official World of Warcraft forums the blog was flooded with visitors. A nice stream of new readers kept coming thanks to Blizzard being super cool and putting a link to the blog on their main page! In fact, I think most of the readers on this personal blog have arrived here through the link from the Puppy Love blog.

I also got tons of positive feedback and compliments which great. It's always nice to know you managed to put a smile on some people's faces.

Episode 4 is going up tomorrow!

I got requests for a proper website, so I might give Puppy his nice little corner in Cheese Comics. We'll see.

--Mickey

Puppy Love 3

Another week, another Puppy strip.

Visit the Puppy Love blog. It is dedicated entirely to the strip.

--Mickey