Smoking & Farting.

Awww... Smoking baby. So cute!

The other day I was with Blake in the playground. There were other parents and children around which made it all rather lively even though Blake and I were far too superior to directly interact with inferior beings. As I was pushing Blake on his swing a mother approached a father and asked him if he had a light. He did and she merrily lit her cigarette and started puffing away. I carried on pushing Blake without saying a word, but I might have thrown a judgmental glance in her general direction. And so, this woman walks around with her lit cigarette at waist height which just happens to be where many little heads were moving around. It was open space, but I could still smell the smoke which meant I was inhaling it with all the accompanying benefits that come with it. The mom of the year then lay down, smoking away, when her little boy came to her and hugged her. She held her cigarette as far away as possible from the boy and asked him to let go because "she was smoking". I repressed the urge to put her on fire and make her truly "smoking". It was not worth it.

"How did I get that weird burn scar on my ear? Funny story... Not funny haha."

This was here on our visit to Israel, but it also happens everywhere else. Moronic and irresponsible parents who smoke around their children. Smoking laws have improved over the last few years and it is a delight that people can't smoke in restaurants and clubs in many parts of the world, but people can still smoke next to their children which I find to be absolutely mad. It is child abuse, impure and simple. Children to smoking parents are not only exposed to all the dangers of second hand smoking, they are also far more likely to become smokers themselves when they grow up.

Thelma balked at the cost of smoking for two.

I find lots of similarities between smoking and farting. The only reason smoking is acceptable is because it became a common habit before the health issues were fully known. Now it is practically impossible to ban this nuisance as there are too many addicted smokers in the world: 1.2 billion according to alternet.org: a fifth of the population - how depressing is that?!

Little Nelly wanted to be just like mommy: tall, beautiful and smelling like rotten eggs on fire.

You know how you sometimes have to fart, but you just can't do it in public? You find a little corner as further away from the nearest person and you try to fart as quietly as possible to avoid attracting attention and then you walk away as fast as possible just in case it might smell bad and you will be in ground zero where people might figure out you are to blame. That is because farts smell awful and decent human beings do not want to spread putrid stench among other people. Yet, many smokers think that does not apply to cigarette smoke, which makes them either dimwits or self-centered jerks. Just like I won't get up on a table in the middle of a restaurant, bend over and fart, I would also not light up toxic materials on fire in the middle of a restaurant.

Janice was very displeased as little Jack was exceeding his two cigarettes a day limit, but who can say no to those eyes?

To me cigarette smoke is just as vile as the average fart with one big difference: farts won't give you cancer,   heart disease, emphysema and asthma in children at risk.  As a parent you get to smell lots of farts and poopies, not to mention those which you enjoy as the proud owner of your very own anus. If it was cancerous we would all be dead by now.

"Dad, can you cough out a lung again?! That was hilarious!"

One of the best things about my husband is that he detests smoking just as much as me, if not more. There is absolutely less than zero chance for me to ever be in a relationship with anyone who smokes, unless it could somehow work without kissing. Because kissing a smoker is a lot like fitting a small but actively used ashtray in your mouth and sucking on it. It would be what I imagine a fart would taste like.

"I think I can..." *COUGH* "I think I can..." *HACK* *SPLUTTER!*

I genuinely believe that parents should be legally forbidden to smoke around children or in shared spaces with children (which would include the home, the car, etc.). They should adopt the same etiquette used when farting and do it alone, in a far corner and be very embarrassed to be caught doing it in public.

Trivia: Farting, unlike smoking, can be done underwater.

Mickey